My pecs

I have encountered a few clients lately who want to do nothing more than suck on my nipples, and have me suck on theirs.

Maybe I lack the proper nerve endings, but I’ve never gotten much sexual pleasure through my lil’ nips. Sure, having a guy flick his tongue over them feels better than doing my homework, but that’s about it.

I have learned, though, that guy nipples are an often overlooked erogenous zone. If I’m with a guy and he has trouble getting hard, I just lick a long, wet line from his cock up to his nipples and swirl my tongue around for a bit. Then I look down and there’s usually a big, throbbing cock staring back at me.

I’m talking about this because a few days ago I had a client ask me if he could draw lines around my pecs with a Sharpie, to “make them more defined.”

“Make them more defined!” I yelled without thinking.

“No, baby, you got great tits” he said. “I just get turned on doing it, thats all.”

Great tits? The word ‘tits’ is reserved for women in my vocabulary. It’s usage made me uncomfortable.

But money is money. So I let him draw the lines on my chest. Then he started rubbing his dick up against me. I could tell me was getting close to cumming, so I relaxed and let my mind wander. I looked up at a glow star attached to the ceiling fan in my room. That damn thing glows and twists over my head every night before I go to sleep. I go to sleep I tell myself that I’ll peel it off the following morning, and the next day I always forget. It’s been months and I still haven’t mustered the energy to throw the god damn thing away.

“Hey, hey” he said as my mind re-organized. “Can I titty fuck you?”

“Um, I don’t think mine are big enough to do that.”

“Sure they are” he said like it was obvious. “Just push them together with your hands.”

Whatever. I tried to do it but there wasn’t enough of a furrow for him to fuck.

He rubbed some lotion on my chest and then started sliding his cock up and down anyways. He grit his teeth a few seconds later and I felt hot jizz squirt up onto my neck and chin.

I grabbed his cock while it was still shooting and put it in my mouth. I sucked the last few bursts of cum out while he squirmed back and forth with sensitivity.

Afterwards I strolled into the bathroom and spat all of his cum out. Hopefully the little spermies will find their way to an egg in the sewer. I always feel liker a mass murderer whenever I dispose of cum.

He gave me a $100 tip.

It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow and I’m about to board a flight to go back home to stay with my parents. I haven’t ever really tried to escort myself back home yet, but I think Thanksgiving is a good time to try it out.

Ernie

Adam called me Monday night. We spoke for an unusually long amount of time – talking about politics and sports and other bullshit. For a few seconds I wasn’t sure if he was a client calling me or some long lost friend that I had completely forgotten.

Eventually we made plans to meet the following night.

The next morning I found Ernie, a teenage gecko that had been lurking outside my apartment for weeks.

I let Ernie into my apartment and imagined all of the shenanigans that he and I would get into. Ernie and I would have a secret handshake. Actually, more of a high five with a few knuckle bumps. We’d get drunk together, smoke together and talk about sex with one another.

I fed Ernie little bread balls before I left for school.

In class the teacher kept asking us about the mechanics of relational dialectics. Apparently, when two people are in a relationship, it’s necessary for each person to divulge an equal amount of private information in order for the relationship to be successful. The metaphor used is the peeling of an onion – each layer getting successively deeper and more intimate. If both people don’t peel back an equal number of layers, their future is doomed.

“Who wants a bunch of onion peels everywhere?” I said to myself, though far louder than I had wanted too. The entire class turned around and looked at me. The teacher stopped her lecture and zeroed in on me.

“What was that?” she asked.

I looked back and fourth a few times, hoping I could get some motivation to speak from the walls.

“I said that no one likes having a bunch of onion peels everywhere. And the inside of the onion usually tastes terrible.”

The teacher rolled her eyes then took a deep breath. “And how is that relevent?”

“Well I had a girlfriend once, and it seemed like the more I knew her, the less I liked her. And with guys that I know now, it seems like each one of them has less interest in me once they learn my deep, dark secrets.”

“Then you must have unsuccessful relationships” she said brazenly.

“Yep.”

I swung a pair of keys around my finger as I walked home, thinking over the communication theory. Maybe she’s right…

I grabbed Ernie and he and I headed off to Adams downtown hotel. Me and the little gecko bobbed our heads to my CD’s and swirved through the maze of honking traffic.

I parked my car downstairs and left a few windows a tiny bit open so that I wouldn’t find Ernie’s skeleton in the passenger seat when I returned – like babies in hot casino parking lots.

I rushed through the lobby, took the elevator up to the 30th floor, adjusted my beanie and aviators in a hallway mirror, and knocked on the door.

Adam opened up the door and pulled me in.

He told me that he had a meeting in 30 minutes so we had to be quick. He grabbed my dick through my pants and massaged it for a bit.

“It’s a good thing you’re cuter in real life than you are in your pictures” he said.

I was flattered, but pissed that my pictures weren’t good.

Adam was a little overweight, had grayish hair, a young looking face and a nice, black business suit on. He wasn’t a looker by any means, but his personality was confident and he had an attractive, deep voice.

He pulled my shirt over me head, then moved behind me and pulled my pants and boxers down.

“Nice ass” he said as he rubbed his fingers between my ass cheeks.

I love it when guys touch my ass, so my dick was already starting to stand up. Adam ran his hands over my ass and then reached around and grabbed my cock.

“Looks like you like attention” he said, probably suprised that I was able to get a boner so quickly.

“Hellsyea” I said.

Adam jerked at my dick for a few seconds and then asked me to lie down on the bed.

“Turn to your side” he said. I complied, and within seconds I could feel his hot tongue against my ass. I grunted a little as he swirled his wet mouth around and inside my ass, pulling my cheeks apart with his hands.

“God I love getting rimmed” I said with a laugh.

My boner, as always when getting my ass licked, became rock hard.

Adam ate my ass a little bit more, then moved his tongue between my thighs and around to my balls. He sucked on my balls and twirled one of his finger tips over the head of my dick, which was oozing precum.

It felt amazing, but my joy was hampered when I looked down at got a look at Adams body. His stomach was fat and hairy and his dick was small and sticking out from a jungle of black pubic hair.

I was praying that he wouldn’t ask me to suck him off.

I felt a smack on my ass and Adam said “Alright, how do you wanna get fucked?”

“On my back” I said.

I always like getting fucked on my back because I don’t have to do anything. Plus my ass is still incredibly tight so its the position that causes the least pain.

Adam dragged me to the side of the bed, rubbed lube into my ass, rolled a condom over his dick and pushed his way inside of me. His dick wasn’t huge so my ass was able to take it, unlike normal when a second attempt is neccessary.

“Yeah, I want you to make me cum” Adam said as he grinned, looking right into my eyes.

“Can I cum?” I asked.

Some clients don’t want me to cum until after they do.

“Of course. I want you to cum whenever.”

I grit my teeth and let Adam fuck me. His dick felt good inside of me, and I was sure I could cum quickly. I yanked at my cock but the orgasm didn’t surface. It was fine, though, because I was loving the feeling of a dick thrusting in and out of me.

After awhile I could feel Adam loosing his hard-on. He pulled his dick out and tried to make it bigger with his hands but it was no use.

“It’s the fucking meeting” he said. “This time crunch is too much for me.”

I told him I could make him cum in other ways. I grabbed onto his cock and slowly massaged it to life as I licked his godforsaken hairy nipples.

He moaned and moaned until I felt his warm jizz drooling down my chest.

We both showered and then Adam said that he had to hurry off. He gave me my money, plus a $200 tip – the best tip I have ever gotten. I kissed him with my tongue and then hurried down the stairs to tell Ernie about my good fortune.

Ernie disappeared. I’m guessing he crawled out the window.

Fear of HIV – terrified for nothing

The doctor never called me back after my blood test nearly three weeks ago. I was too afraid to call and ask for the results, so I waited in silence and smoked extra cigarettes.

My appointment finally came today. I drove over to see him and tried to not let the anxious thoughts swirling in my mind get the best of me.

I didn’t know if it was better for me to think that I was or was not HIV positive. I can be superstitious sometimes and I was afraid that I might jinx the results.

I waited in a small white room and tapped my foot against a hollow metal trashcan while the doctor searched for my file.

I couldn’t imagine him saying “Yikes, sorry we didn’t call you. Let me see what we got here…..hmmmmm – Oh, sorry buddy, looks like you’re positive”     – but I wouldn’t put it past him.

He didn’t mention the HIV test so I had to ask. He scanned through a few pieces of paper while I tried not to vaporize from fear.

“You’re negative” he said.

Thats right. I’M HIV NEGATIVE! My face lit up and I said “Thank fucking god!” much louder than I intended to.

So, my advice to people who are worried about having HIV is go get tested, because you’re almost bound to be negative. Unless you’ve had unprotected sex with many people, shared needles or used heroin in Haiti you are probably alright.

Anxiety, as I learned, can manifest itself into the symptoms of HIV.

A quick recap of how I got to where I am now:

As most of you know, this last June I let a guy that I met online pump my ass full of cum on two separate occasions. His seed is what planted this fear in me to begin with.

Three weeks later I came down with a low to moderate grade fever (99 to 101 degrees) that lasted for 20 to 25 days. I went to doctors at school who tested me and gave me antibiotics, but nothing changed and the stethoscope-heads kept saying I seemed fine. I didn’t have mono, phneumonia or any other infection known to cause long lasting fevers.

The whole time I wasn’t just worried, I was convinced I had HIV.

I got tested eventually, but I was still well in the 3 month window period. Looking back, I think my fever disappeared within hours of me getting my first HIV negative test.

Between that first test and the one I just got back, I’ve had an eye infection, another low grade fever, white stuff on my tongue (which, I think, everyone has if you go ‘awwww’ and look way back there) and many other symptoms I’ve read about that are HIV associated.

Clearly, fear of HIV can cause you to experience it’s symptoms (and pretty much everything is a symptom of it). If you’re terrified that you have HIV, there is a very good chance that you are causing all of your symptoms.

HIV scares suck but it nailed the sanctity of health into my brain.

No more unprotected sex for me. At least not until I’m in a trusting relationship.

Desperation and Dark Alley Blowjobs.

On the airplane I knew that I was fucked. I had been taking hand fulls of painkillers everyday, and my supply had dripped dry before the trip.

I sat next to my Dad, who kept trying to make conversation with me. I felt like someone had poured oil and gallons of coffee into my blood stream.

I kept imagining what would happen if one of the airplane windows were to blow out. I knew that the plane would depressurize, so for a few seconds the suction would be strong enough to pull people out of their seats.

The plane landed two thousand miles away from home and all of the familar medecine cabinets I used to raid.

We drove to our apartment and then unpacked our things so we could go to sleep. I was starting to feel the withdrawals, so I knew that sleep would not be an option for the next week or more unless I found something.

I waited for hours and hours in my bed until I was sure my parents were asleep. Then, as swiftly as a water moccasin, I slithered out of my bed, across the hall floor and out the deck door onto the streets.

I had stolen my parents my car keys. I twisted them into the ignition of their Jeep and rolled away into city.

There was a lot of traffic for a Sunday night. On top of Capital Hill I could see for miles around. The red taillights of other cars pumped through the streets like blood through criss crossed veins.

I didn’t know how to get drugs, but I knew where I could try. My family and I used to walk along Broadway and laugh at all of the homeless people begging for change and the Meth heads preaching about the coming of the flying spaghetti monster.

I parked my car in a CVS parking lot and took a few deep breaths. I was from white suburbia, I had no idea how to talk with street people, nevertheless buy drugs from them.

I dialed 911 into my phone and left it open in my pocket in case I had to make a quick call.

I rolled up my long sleeves to make myself look less like an under cover cop. As I did, I noticed the newly developed lines and muscles on my forearm. In the few months prior, puberty had really hit me and I was starting to fill out. All through lower and middle school I had been a walking skeleton – but now I was starting to develop some muscle definition. I was still thin, but I knew I looked better. Girls at school had started to notice me – and I knew that would work to my advantage out on the streets.

I waited inside my dark car until it became too hot to bare.

I walked out onto the cold streets and tried to imagine how this little incident would play out in the story of my life. I pictured myself talking to my friends far into the future -

“Oh, I was such a crazy kid! Always staying up after bedtime, skipping class and buying drugs from homeless drug addicts on the street with money I stole from my grandma’s cash drawer. You know, the usual.”

I walked past a morbidly skinny man with full grown facial hair. He asked me for some spare change.

I stopped, took a long inhale, and then turned to face him.

“I can help you with that if you can help me find something” I said.

“You looking for old school or ice?” he asked excitedly.

“Nope. I’m looking for OC.”

“OC?”

“You know, OC? Oxy Contin? Or any other opiate………..like heroin?”

The guy laughed long and hard. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh too. I decided against it and walked away, his ringing laughter filling the quiet streets until I was out of hearing range.

I walked past another guy a few blocks later. He asked me for a cigarette and I asked him for drugs. A second later I felt like a complete idiot because the guy was clearly not homeless. He had a 70’s style mustache and looked EXACTLY like John Holmes, but he was wearing dress pants and a collared shirt. He scanned me up and down and then said “Whatayawant?”

I was happily surprised. I told him what I desired and he said he could help me. He waved his hand and I began to follow him like a wagging tail. I pulled out a cigarette and let each awakening puff of nicotine clear my vision.

I scanned his backside and could tell a certain amount of care had been put into his appearance. His pants were sliced with freshly made creases and his hair was gelled back and zebra striped with comb marks.

The guy walked up to an alley and tried to get me to follow.

“Hell no” I said. I’d seen movies, plus I had common sense.

“I want to suck you off first” the guy said.

I let out a fake laugh.

“And how the hell am I supposed to believe you have what I want?”

He told me to stay put as he ran down the street and diffused into the night. I kept checking the time on my phone while he was gone. A little more than five minutes later he returned.

He reached one arm around my shoulder, probably to restrain me, and then handed me four little pills. I looked at them and studied the hieroglyphics etched into the front and the back. Yep, it was what I wanted. More than I had wanted, actually.

I felt like melting right there on the streets – I was so happy. But as quickly as I had been handed the pills he plucked them out of my palm.

“Come with me” he said.

I looked around the street and then down the alley. It was actually less of an alley and more of a big nook with a dumpster and some piled wooden palettes.

I pictured myself withdrawling for weeks on end. I remembered a few months before when I had been puking in my bathroom and sweating out streams of toxins. My mom stood over me and screamed to my dad “He’s on drugs! He’s on fucking drugs!”

“Alrighty” I said, “lets do this.”

We walked back behind the dumpster. I could tell that this guy had been there before. There were clean blankets and a old condom wrappers glimmering in the orange street lights.

“Just stand still” the guy said as he lowered himself down onto his knees. I closed my eyes and pictured the pills in his pocket and how yummy they tasted and how good they made me feel.

He put his mouth against my jeans and licked the outline of my cock. One side effect of opiate withdrawals is a constant, never ending hard-on. I had been sporting a boner for hours.

I focused on a sparking neon light across the street while the guy undid my belt and pulled down my pants.

I looked down and saw my cock pressing hard against my boxers. The guy pulled my boxers down just enough to reveal the head of my dick. Then he nibbled at it, stopping once to look up at me and say “you’re precum tastes good.”

I felt a little raped, but at the same time I couldn’t deny that his tongue felt good.

He licked my boxers a few more times and then pulled them down. He wanted me to spread my legs a little, so I stepped out of my boxers. Then I opened my legs enough for him to move in underneath me.

He licked at my balls like a dog and ran one of his hands over my ass. It was the first time someone had ever touched my balls and it felt fantastic. At the same time, I was trying to hold my legs still so they wouldn’t shake too obviously. I was horrified that someone would see us, since I could hear people walking and talking not too far away.

“Mmmmmm” the guy said as he pulled on my balls with his teeth. He bit them and I shuddered from the pain. When he sensed that he was hurting me, he twirled his tongue around my sack to alleviate the bite.

He moved back a little and started sucking the spot between my balls and my ass. His tongue licked up at me like a flame, wetting every little inch of my underside with spit.

I had just grown a little bit of hair for the first time in that area, and I could feel him pulling at the little fuzz with his teeth.

I thought again about the pills in his pocket. They were like little stars twinkling through his black dress pants.

The guy moved his other hand back to my ass. He grabbed my ass cheeks and swirled his hands around in circles, exposing my ass for a second and then squeezing it closed.

I felt naked. I had no pants on, but it was more than just that. I felt very, very naked.

I felt his tongue flick at the bottom of my ass. Then he pulled open my cheeks again and slid his tongue just a little ways up until I could feel it against my hole.

It made me shiver. And yet at the same time it felt good. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to eat my ass. But I couldn’t complain.

He pulled my ass cheeks as far apart as he could and then dug his face in. I could feel his tongue and his nose pushing hard against me. The muscles in my legs and arms were tightening and below me I could see drops of precum drooling out of my dick and down onto the blanket I was standing on.

I was really getting into the rimjob (which I would later learn it was called) when he pulled his tongue out of my ass and began licking a long, warm trail down underneath me and across my balls. Then he stepped himself out from under me so that he was squatting infront of me.

He grabbed my cock tightly with his hand, like he trying to choke it, and then slid the head of my dick between his lips.

I leaned back against the hard brick wall as he sucked me. I had a slight fear that me might bite my cock off – me not knowing who this guy was or what his intentions were – but I didn’t want to disappoint him and not get the pills.

He sucked hard on my cock and swallowed it all the way down until his lips were touching my pubes. I wanted to shoot seed down his throat, to make him happy and speed up the process, but I couldn’t.

After a few minutes, he pulled his head back and let my cock slip out of his mouth.

“Suck me” he said.

I thought for a second as he stood up and unzipped his pants.

I pictured the pills again and knew it was necessary. I kneeled down and reached one hand around his dick. It was huge, just like John Holmes, and thick.

I licked the tip and tasted his precum. It was salty and thick. I licked it a few more times like it was a lollipop. I loved lollipops.

Then I opened my mouth and took in as much of his dick as I could. I started sucking on it. Within seconds I could feel the muscles of his cock tightening and twitching against my tongue. Then a warm, gooey stream of semen filled up my mouth. I pulled my head back instinctively and spat out all of the cum while his dick continued squirting it out without the touch of my mouth or his hands.

“Mmmmmmm” the guy said as he stood there, looking at the brick wall, his eyes closed.

I stood up, put on my boxers and pants, and waited for a response. He continued smiling and looking away into nothingness.

I coughed. He continued staring as he reached one hand into his pocket. He withdrew the four pills and dropped them into my palm. One bounced and fell onto the ground. I got down on all fours and scoured the blankets and dirty concrete. I finally found it a few inches under the dumpster. I scooped it up and got the hell out of there.

I smoked a cigarette as I walked, or rather ran, back to my car. I cut one of the pills in half and snorted it the second I was back in the Jeep.

The withdrawals immediately disintegrated and I felt a warmth wash over me.

I got out of my car and lit up another cigarette. I walked over to the edge of the parking lot, which over looked all of Broadway.

I thought about what I had just done and how it might affect me one day. I concluded it may take a few hours of therapy to release the demon his seed had just planted in me, but right then I felt fine. I flicked my cigarette over the edge and watched it spin like a DNA strand down to the ground, bursting like a little firework upon impact.

People know what I do

Long story short, this weekend I had a few problems with some old friends. I was out with a few new friends when I ran into the guys I used to hang out with. They invited me to sit up with them in the VIP section of the club we were at, so I did.

Thing is, I really don’t like these guys. They are all rich, arrogant shit holes. So I sat with them and let a few of the guys I used to give blow jobs to flirt me up.

Mark, a guy that used to pay my way through the weekends, wanted me to go home with him. I said sure, but wouldn’t fully agree to the request. Then he asked me what day I could drive up to see him. I said I didn’t know yet.

The whole time he and I were speaking I was remembering the last time I saw him. He had payed for a nice hotel suite for he and I to stay in right on the ocean. Earlier in the evening he had taken me and my mom (yeah, she was in town) out to a comedy show and a restaurant – all at his expense. Now, in the suite he had payed for, I was obliged to suck his cock in exchange for all the money he had wasted on me. I sucked his thick, short cock until my mouth was tired. I didn’t like his dick, nor him, and so I never lasted long sucking it unless Mark fed me cocaine.

I spat his cock out when my mouth had had enough and looked towards the ground as Mark jacked himself off. Then, before I could do anything, a flying pearl necklace came splashing into my face and hair. The semen hit me like a barrage of bullets. Mark, sensing my irritation, starting laughing. He threw his head back and gave in to the joyous laughter that rumbled through his chest. I knew then that I would destroy him, somehow, someday.

So Mark was talking to me that night, playing all of his old moves, trying to pull me close and invite me to expensive dinners and two-person cocaine parties.

I looked around the VIP area and noticed one attractive guy, Adam, who I soon learned was Mark’s new “boyfriend.”

The leader of the party, Rich, watched as I moved over and started talking and laughing with Adam. He kept pushing himself between Adam and me, sensing that something was about to happen between us.

His attempts continually failed.

Finally a song started playing. I started singing the lyrics to myself as Rich began asking us all, in the most irritating, nasally voice possible – “Like who sInGs this SoNg!”

I hummed to myself -

“In the whirlpool
We’ll go deeper
In this world that’s
Getting cheaper
I wanna ride on a white horse
I want to ride on a white horse.”

Then I moved in and started asking Adam about Mark.

Me: “So, how old is Mark?”

Adam: “I don’t know, like old!”

I knew then that Adam was a complete idiot. But still, I wanted to hook up with him, so I played along.

Me: “Haha, I know, he was probably around when the Germans invaded Poland. (I felt dumb after saying this, thinking it would have blown right over Adams pretty little head.)

Adam: Haha, he is probably like, A ZILLION years old!

At that I threw my head back and let the fake laughter roll through me.

I pretended to struggle to say “Oh you’re a real card!” through the fits of counterfeit joy.

I decided to abort the whole talking part and just switch to the physical stuff. I grabbed Adams ass. He looked at me and then moved his face in for the kiss.

I swirled my tongue around in his warm mouth, thinking of nothing more than Mark and his burning stare.

When our faces pulled apart, Adam pulled my shirt up and then started sucking my nipple.

“Yeah baby that feels so good,” I lied. “Oh yeah, I’ve never felt such pleasure in my life.”

Then I watched as Mark walked over and grabbed Adam by the arm. Adam mouthed “fuck me” and then smiled as he was being pulled away.

I sat and grabbed all the alcohol I could that was sitting on the table and started chugging it. Before I could down one glass I felt hands on my shoulder. I turned and saw Adam smiling a big smile.

He and I started kissing again and feeling each others hard dicks through our pants.

This time Mark and Rich forcefully pulled Adam away and then looked at me.

“I invited you here and now you fuck everything up,” Rich said. “Get the fuck out of here you whore.”

I smiled and started walking past them to leave.

“We all know you’re a fucking whore, Cyrus.” Rich said to my surprise. “Everyone knows you suck cock and take it up the ass for money”

I felt a wave of vulnerability wash over me, like someone had just torn my clothes off and left me standing naked there in that pounding club.

“What are you talking about?” I asked out of curiosity, realizing that I only wanted to know how he knew.

“Like I said, everyone knows!” Rich yelled over the song he asked about earlier.

“Oh really. Well, you’re fat and old and your youth is gone forever!” I yelled even louder as I began to walk away.

“And this song is by Goldfrapp you old piece of shit,” I yelled as I dissolved into the dancing crowd.

I felt a little violated, so I drank some more and got up onto a big box and started dancing. I was the only person in the whole club elevated, so it made finding me rather easy.

I was shaking my ass when I felt a tug at my jeans. It was Adam again. He had left his friends to come find me.

I pulled him up onto the box and he and I started fuck dancing. We stopped after a few seconds to make out. I sucked on his tongue as hard as I could, trying to pull his feeble brains from his skull.

Like before, Mark and Rich showed up and dragged Adam away. I smiled and laughed as it happened and then continued on dancing.

Five minutes later Adam was again dancing and making out with me and again he was pulled away by Mark and Rich.

At this point I was feeling tired. I begged my friend to take me home. He ignored me for a few minutes but finally agreed.

As he and I were leaving the club we ran into Rich, Mark and all of their friends.

“So how much is it for a handjob?” Rich asked me.

“One rubee” I said, thinking I had said something extraordinarily funny. No one laughed.

“Hey Rich,” I said, “Tell your boyfriend I said hi. And tell him that fucking him this summer was some of the best sex I ever had.”

“I don’t think so” Rich countered as he slowly turned his head around, allowing his friends to see his frozen facial expression that seemed to say ‘Whatever!’

I laughed a good laugh and decided to prove my case -”His cock is huge, about nine inches, and kind of dark colored. He shaves his pubic hair so that its in the shape of a lightning bolt, like Harry Potter. And when he fucked me, he liked to grab onto my hair and talk dirty to me.”

“Oh yeah,” I continued, “and after he fucked me, he rimmed my ass real good. And he told me that he never rims you because he thinks your ass is too fat.”

Later on that night, as I drove home, I wished that I hadn’t been as abrasive as I had been. Rich and Mark are incredibly well connected and know many of the people I know. Getting on their bad sides, especially as blatantly as I did, could result in some serious problems for me. Especially since they know.

They know.

Andrew gives me a boner

As my blood is poured into test tubes and analyzed at some testing center, I continue living my life and doing my homework. My fears have actually been reduced in recent hours since I learned that new HIV tests taken within 3 to 4 weeks of infection are 90-95% accurate. I was tested a little over 4 weeks after my double bareback dipping, so that cuts my chances of testing positive dramatically.

Even so, I am a tragic believer in “jinksing” something, so I don’t want to act overly optimistic and alter the functioning of the universe.

So yesterday I decided to give young Andrew a call. You surely haven’t forgotten Andrew, have you? The young chap I met a few weeks ago at the Bareback sex party?

Andrew came over to my place dressed like a little punk rocker – looking fertile and ambivalent as always.

I asked Andrew about HIV and whether he was positive or not.

“Nah,” he said. “I got checked a couple months ago and I was fine.”

I tried to digest his words as I flashed back to memories of guys shoving their cum gushing cocks back into his ass.

“So why do you bareback?” I asked him after thinking for a few moments. “Doesn’t it scare you?”

His eyes were staring down at the floor. I thought he was feeling the juicy sperm of shame. Then he blinked and darted his pupils up towards my trembling, black little pupi (is that the plural of pupil?) holes. It was kinda scary.

“I really like the feeling of guys cumming in my ass,” he mumbled. “I can, like, feel their whole dick and then they start moaning and shit and I can feel all this hot juicy stuff up my bum.”

“You’re bum!” I wanted to to yell in a heavy British accent. “You’re eenie lil’ bum!”

“Uh huh” was what I actually said.

“Have you ever cum in someone’s ass before?” he asked. I knew immediately where this was going.

“Yeah” I lied. “It was great. I could feel the guys ass tense up and then I let it all go. It felt good. Really good”

Hurricane Andrew was looking at me with a look that said “yeah, come on, stick it in my ass.” His hand was wrapped around my knee, his other arm was holding a beer and he was looking right into my eyes and licking his bottom lip.

I felt sorry for the kid. Classic Freudian textbook example of an orphaned child seeking sex to make up for what he missed out on as a sexy little baby. Even so, my dick was really hard. He really has a knack at turning guys on. He’ll make a fortune as an escort when he turns 18, assuming he lives that long.

Problem is that I don’t want to have sex with someone who probably has more STD’s than John Holmes. Also, I’m only a bottom…

I politely turned the conversation back to hurricanes – a topic we had been discussing before. I tried to use meteorological terminology to imply that he and I would never be compatible.

“Two hurricanes can’t come together or else they will disrupt the flow of the outer rain bands,” I said. “You see, the hurricanes feed on warm water and…”

“Shut up,” Andrew said.

Old fears resurfacing

I awoke two days ago and coughed. Since then my incredible fear of having HIV has returned.

(Holy shit I just might never forgive myself for this – I fucked without a condom….)

To put to rest (or bring to life) my fears, I went to see my doctor and got a blood test today.

I have to wait a few days before the results get back. My last HIV test, which I wrote about back in July, was reassuring, but not in a scientific sense. It felt good to wave around a piece of paper that said I was HIV negative, but I knew deep down that I was still very much in the window period. The ‘window period’ is the several month time period that it takes between HIV infection and a positive on an HIV test.

The two incidents of unprotected sex that are conjuring up all of this anxiety occurred during the first few days of June of this year. My last HIV test was within a day or two of July 10th. I waited four to five weeks – people aren’t supposed to have any real confidence in the tests until 12 weeks have passed.

My friends think I’m crazy. True, I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac. I’ve diagnosed myself more times than I can count with varying illnesses – always incorrectly. This time, hopefully, will be the same. But I can’t help but not understand why I got a fever for nearly a month a few weeks after the unprotected sex, and why, since then, I’ve had a few other (minor) infections.

I’ve been driving myself insane with fear.

Who would feel sorry for me? Seriously? I don’t think anyone would be surprised if a male hooker who bottoms for other men contracted HIV. Thing is, with the exception of those two lil’ slip-ups (I have contacted the guy who fucked me bareback and he tells me that he had an HIV test recently and he tested negative, but I don’t totally believe him), I have ALWAYS used protection. At least when it comes to anal sex. In regards to oral sex, with the exception of Steak and Jay, I never let guys cum in my mouth.

If I do have HIV, and I find out who gave it to me, I will chop that mans penis off, burn his face off with a blow torch, dip his balls in hydrochloric acid, burn him alive, rape his skeleton, cremate the remains, put the ashes on the hood of a yellow rental truck packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil and push it over a cliff into the ocean. Then I’ll say “Hey, are you okay?”

My sexual history is as follows:

Age 16 to eight months ago = eight sexual partners. Mostly oral sex and VERY brief attempts at anal sex. Still considered myself a virgin.

March 28, 2008 – Lost my virginity officially. Official to me means having sex for more than 1 minute and/or having sex in which one or both partners cum.

April – I get fucked “officially” by four more people.

May – I get fucked by four more people.

June – I get fucked by five more people

July – I get fucked by six more people

August – I get fucked by three new people

September to present – I have only had sex with three new people.

So, in the course of eight months, I have had sex with 26 different men. Fifteen of them were clients.