Moving on- perhaps

Yes, things have been much better ever since I quit. I have been feeling happier and more at peace. Last Sunday, when the decision was made, I actually felt my mental state change from depression to complacency over the course of a few hours. In order to affirm my decision, I contacted all of the sites I was on and told them that I was 17 and that my lawyer would be taking legal action if the profiles were not removed.

I was trying to douse my bridges with gasoline and not just burn them, but completely obliterate them.

Thing is, questions have arose.  Once my stash of money runs out, I have nowhere else to turn. The last week I have been taking a jab at modeling. Most photographers want to take naked photographs of me, and I am not sure whether I want to do that or not. Escorting may be bad but it’s a transient thing – once the act is over it exists only in memory.  Naked photographs will continue to exist for decades.

Besides money troubles, I am having a really difficult time “reclaiming my virginity.” My goal was to cease being sexually active for awhile, but sex seems to follow me around. I have a good friend named Ron who I saw this past Saturday. He and I got drunk and talked about love and justice and bullshit like that. During the conversation I mentioned that I had done some escorting, but that I had quit and I was now on the path to salvation.

Quickly his demeanor changed. He became flirtatious. I let him rub my body, but didn’t let it progress any further. After a few minutes,  while I was lying on my stomach, I felt him pull my boxers down. When I reached back to pull them up, I felt his hard dick pushing against my ass. I stood up and told Ron that I didn’t want to hook up.

Ron felt embarrassed and pretended to fall asleep quickly as though someone had knocked him over the head with a hammer.

These assholes keep chasing sex. Like insects to electric lights.      Zap Zap Zap.

It’s just hard sometimes to live in a place like Florida. It’s so god damned flat. If someone was to run away from you crying in an open field, they wouldn’t disappear from view behind a hill like in other states. No, they would remain in your field of vision until they rounded the very curvature of the earth.