Moving on- perhaps
Yes, things have been much better ever since I quit. I have been feeling happier and more at peace. Last Sunday, when the decision was made, I actually felt my mental state change from depression to complacency over the course of a few hours. In order to affirm my decision, I contacted all of the sites I was on and told them that I was 17 and that my lawyer would be taking legal action if the profiles were not removed.
I was trying to douse my bridges with gasoline and not just burn them, but completely obliterate them.
Thing is, questions have arose. Once my stash of money runs out, I have nowhere else to turn. The last week I have been taking a jab at modeling. Most photographers want to take naked photographs of me, and I am not sure whether I want to do that or not. Escorting may be bad but it’s a transient thing – once the act is over it exists only in memory. Naked photographs will continue to exist for decades.
Besides money troubles, I am having a really difficult time “reclaiming my virginity.” My goal was to cease being sexually active for awhile, but sex seems to follow me around. I have a good friend named Ron who I saw this past Saturday. He and I got drunk and talked about love and justice and bullshit like that. During the conversation I mentioned that I had done some escorting, but that I had quit and I was now on the path to salvation.
Quickly his demeanor changed. He became flirtatious. I let him rub my body, but didn’t let it progress any further. After a few minutes, while I was lying on my stomach, I felt him pull my boxers down. When I reached back to pull them up, I felt his hard dick pushing against my ass. I stood up and told Ron that I didn’t want to hook up.
Ron felt embarrassed and pretended to fall asleep quickly as though someone had knocked him over the head with a hammer.
These assholes keep chasing sex. Like insects to electric lights. Zap Zap Zap.
It’s just hard sometimes to live in a place like Florida. It’s so god damned flat. If someone was to run away from you crying in an open field, they wouldn’t disappear from view behind a hill like in other states. No, they would remain in your field of vision until they rounded the very curvature of the earth.
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“I contacted all of the sites I was on and told them that I was 17 and that my lawyer would be taking legal action if the profiles were not removed.” You’re so keen!
I don’t recommend doing the nude modeling, especially if it isn’t ‘classy’ or ‘implied.’ That’s what most amateur photographers want to do and it won’t really help your portfolio unless you want to pursue going that route…the pay isn’t that great for men in that direction anyways.
It depends on the type of modeling you want to, but go check out the open calls and modeling agencies and ask what photographers they use to shoot their models and contact him to ask if he would test with you. Also, modelmayhem.com can help you freelance and get with other creative people and build your portfolio, but there are lots of amateurs who want to take naked pictures of you as well.
But I thought your parents were loaded?
It’s funny how the more ‘unavailable’ we are, the more we seem appealing.
P.S.
I apologize if my last email to you was at all cruel, it wasn’t my intention at all. =)
I don’t know what e-mail you are referring to, but you didn’t write anything that I thought was cruel.
modelmayhem is the site that I have been using.
My parents are (were) loaded, but the economy is causing some real problems since my dad works in the real estate realm. They still can support me and everything I need, but I don’t want them to support me. Sure, it’s not a dire situation, but they think I’m working and I want to provide for myself.
I am really liking this.
I shall continue…keep up the good work..
The blog not the other stuff!
I was referring to the one with Rob Bell.
It’s admirable that you want to provide for yourself, I wish I could too…unfortunately my folks still pay for me. So I’ll be trying to show them my gratitude after I can make some big bucks on my own.
I wish there was less clique way to say ‘good luck.’ I can’t think of any at this moment so…..wait! I might have one: I’ll perform a Haitian Vodou dance to ask good fortune upon you and the economy.
cliche*
I always make mistakes commenting.
Will you keep writing?
Still have that dolley?
Good luck mate I hope it all goes well. I’m a new reader to your blog, your story is fascinating, it makes for a great blog!
Glad you turned a corner with the depression Mr:)
I’m in the midst of a panic explosion so reading about someone else being in relatively upward mental mode is helping me! hehe
Tom:)
Ian – Okay, I will take up escorting again, at your request.
Jane – Oh god Jane, like for real, the TV in my apartment just lifted up into the air, flew across the room and then slammed out my window. And then, no joke, a pen flew up out of my backpack, twisted its top off and then started writing hateful, racist things on my wall. What kind of voodoo curse did you cast on me?
K – Yes, I will. Keep reading.
Pisceus – Thanks!
tom – Oh, you can make yourself feel better too. This world is all about yin and yang. So, think about it, if you take anything that reduces anxiety in your life, there is bound to be a reaction. Catch my drift wood?
No probs! Check out my ‘other’ site too…
Hang in there doll! It’s sooo hard sometimes to change certain behaviors (believe me I know). I am proud of you….don’t be too hard on yourself. You are young and mistakes will come. Just roll with it and you will figure things out. Hopefully it won’take you as long as it’s taking me!
Love you!
Barbie
Few jobs offer as much $ as escorting.
If you’re really interested in modeling, make sure you have the right stats and look. How tall are you? stats?
Know your target market and focus on that.
Meanwhile, get a part-time job to acclimate yourself to regular $8/hr work.
Pisceus – Already have.
SB – Honestly I saw a cliient yesterday. I’ll write a post on it tomorrow. So its gonna be hard, but I’m taking the right steps.
Jason – What are the right stats? I’m tall and thin. And regular work? muahahaha
Oh gosh, not again!
I must have performed the wrong dance!
Just like when commenting, I can be quite clumsy with my spell casting.
If I have cursed such harms on you (also noting that your hooking again…take two steps back), then what far more terrible disasters have I called upon on our economy?
Maybe I should perform another dance to reverse the effects, or is it better to quit while I’m ahead?